Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my being single is dangerous.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
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it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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