Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
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You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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