one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
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I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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