oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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