I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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