paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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