you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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