I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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