speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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