I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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