There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize