Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
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you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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