I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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