I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
time to smoke my breakfast
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize