I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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