I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize