Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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