my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
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I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
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If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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