I wish I could teleport
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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