Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize