I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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