i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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