Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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