His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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