Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I smell stomach acid.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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