Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
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When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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