he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Vodka?
Forever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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