I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Are we still banned from the library?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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