Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize