her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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