Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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