Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize