She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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