Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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