i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
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my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
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Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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