I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize