Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them Iβm an artist.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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