...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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