They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
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It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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