1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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