Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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