guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
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were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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