they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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