Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize