The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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