I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need to wash the frat house off of me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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