How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
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What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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