i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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