i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
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we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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