Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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